This morning, I’m minding my own business, workin’ on the ad server when the UPS guy comes running up my driveway and hurls a package into my garage and bolts.
Actually, you dear reader, may need some back story on that before we can go any further. Working from home does indeed have its perks, but they can scare the outside world. One perk: You can work in your pajamas and scary hair every day if you want to. This is awesome for me, not so awesome for delivery people. I think I scare them. So, where they used to ring the doorbell and gently place my packages into my hands, after seeing me in spongebob jammies one too many times with Medusa hair, they now hurl the packages and run just as fast as they can to burn rubber to get away from my home.
So, anyway the package arrives. My best friend warned me that a package would arrive today, and I was to only open it on webcam so that she could see my face. You see, my best friend is also my Doctor. If you have read the previous post, you’ll see that Dr. Christina is an expert in Spork Metaphilosophy.
I turn on the webcam as Dr. Christina is calling, and open the package to find the Optimus Titanium Spork. It’s truly the Rolls Royce of Sporks. See the image accompanying this post for the full visual effect. With it, I received this note:
Dear Shannon: I have heard that my twin, Sporkann is up your Whoo-Haa. I think I’ve been rickrolled. –Sporky
Let me just explain the true hilarity of this new development:
1.) My best friend sent a note with an order for a spork, suggesting that the recipient of the spork has another one up their whoo-haa.
2.) My best friend used Whoo-haa in a sentence in written correspondence to an actual company.
3.) In the same note, she also used Rickrolled in a sentence. This is impressive on so many levels, it’s a bit frightening.
4.) In imagining the person who actually processed this order, I can only imagine how many people were called over to look at both this message and the gift. I think 7.
I also received my surgery packet in the mail today from the hospital. One of the orders in there is that I’m not to wear any jewelry for the surgery. This is an issue for me, as there are a few pieces that I don’t take off. My jewelry is: my wedding rings, a ring that belonged to my mother that my Aunt Robin sent me for Christmas this last year, and a set of necklaces that Dr. Christina and I gave to each other for our birthdays. We each have a set of the that we never take off. We’ve tried to take them off and usually when we do, shit hits the proverbial fan.
So, Dr. Christina sent the below note:
Dear Anesthesiologist,
I am writing on behalf of your patient Shannon. It has come to my attention that she will not be allowed to wear her jewelry (namely our matching friendship necklaces). I know I can’t win that argument, however, as a sterile Titanium Spork is not listed in that criteria, I am thrilled to hear that Sporky can be present, by her side. Just not ‘inside her’ cause, well, we all know how that went last time.
Cheers,
Dr. Christina
Just minutes later, I also received this interesting message:
Dear Shannon,
I just received an SOS from Sporkann:
“Things are looking ok in the left ovary. Heading to the right one now.”
I’ll keep you posted with any other updates.
Cheers,
Dr. Christina
PhD, SM
Spork Metaphilosophy
This is why I’m going to be ok. My best friend is easily as insane as I am. 
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