Anyone who knows me, knows that my children are at least as sarcastic and twisted as I am. It is in that spirit, I thought I’d share some of the stories of some of the things that have popped out of their little mouths.
What gave me the idea for this post was in talking with my boy’s Grandma Rebecky (Rebecca) as we were working on the launch of her new blog HumanTwined (coming soon – big post on that to introduce her and link you) and we were discussing some of the things over the years that the kids have done or said that have built a pretty hilarious childhood for them in the eyes of the adults who love them.
No Parent Should Ever Have to Say…
Some of my favorite things involve sentences and phrases that no parent should ever have to expel breath on. Such as:
“Sweetie. We don’t eat our boogers.”
“Logan, please do not let the dog lick the inside of your mouth.”
“Alex, it was funny when the dog did that to your leg the first time. Not so much now…”
“Sweetie, Grandma doesn’t want to know if your head is still squishy or not…”
“Baby…the toilet is not actually meant to be your own personal cauldron to mix your potions…”
“No, you cannot go outside naked.”
Oh The Humiliation…
Then there are the things that inadvertently come out of their mouths that you really don’t want to laugh at, and you just can’t help yourself.
- We’re at a well known buffet style restaurant. Alex, my 10 year old has disappeared from the table and is somewhere in the line for one of the buffets. The waitress is there bussing the table. I say to the rest of the table “Hey…where’s Alex?” and then Logan, my 4 year old pipes up “If he was in your ass you’d know it.” Instant mortification.
- While watching Beo Wolf, near the end of the movie there is a celtic burial. Where they push a boat out to sea with the body wrapped beautifully on top of a bunch of wood, and archers await on shore for the boat to make its way out far enough and then light their arrows on fire and then fire at the ship. All of us are a little teary. Very sad to say goodbye to this brave character, right? Sam, my 7 year old says “Well. Should’ve known. Water beats fire every time.”
- Tonight, Jason went out and got groceries, and then came home and was putting them away. I hear…”Sam, so you did drop the butter.” Sam replies “No…” Jason calls him on it. “Sam, you could’ve cleaned it up.” Sam sheepishly says “Molly did.” (Molly’s our English Bulldog). “Molly did it?” Sam says, “Well, I dropped it, but Molly cleaned up the floor and then the butter bowl, so I put it back in the fridge…”
- When I was sick, Christina was here to spend time with us and help take care of me and to hang with the kids and spend some time with them. She took all three of the boys to the park and on the way Sam visibly slugged Alex. Christina says “Sam!” Sam replies “It was an accident…but I’d do it again.”
- Alex, about 3 weeks ago starts howling. “Ooowww! The cat scratched me!!!” I said…”Omigosh, what happened? They usually aren’t mean like that. How’d he scratch your face?!” Alex says, “Well, I was trapping him in the litter box with my head…”
- And last, certainly you all saw my post a few weeks ago on Facebook on Sex In A Cup, referring to International Coffee’s new, unbelievably delicious coffee creamers. So, my dad calls the house, and Logan answers. I hear… “Um…she’s in the kitchen making sex in a cup. You want to tawk to her?” Thankfully, I don’t think Dad understood him.
What is some of the awesomeness your kids/nieces/nephews/loved tricycle motors have come up with?
